Being the Fat Kid
Growing up, I didn’t really have a weight issue; I was thin but then one day gradually, the weight crept up on me and then bam! I was the fat kid. I can’t remember at what age that was, all that I know is that I couldn’t wear the cute little children’s clothes I wanted. Instead I was shopping in the adult section, wearing the same size as my older cousin. It was horrible, with family members judging you for being a little too big when you were a little too small for that to happen. It was hard because all I ever wanted to do was fit in, whether it meant jeans, tops or with my peers, I just wanted to fit in. I was afraid to show my body. Being fat makes you conscious of your body at a young age. There were stretch marks on my tummy that I was made to feel ashamed of. I remember the first time I did physical education (PE) in high school, I was afraid to show my body in front of the other girls and I dreaded that moment. I remember when I was younger I was afraid to eat in front of others because I would wonder what would they think of me. “Unhealthy, fat of course”, were the usual thoughts in my head. I remember being teased and I had to laugh it off and act as though it was okay but really deep down inside, it hurt and made me look in the mirror often and wish I was thin and skinny. I held my stomach sometimes and made it talk, then felt depressed about it.
As I grew up, things just only got worse. I absolutely hate going to family gatherings because the first thing people usually comment on in my family is how fat I’ve gotten. Really? The amount of times I’ve honestly cursed in my mind because of that and I would usually go in my little world and cry. You know why? Because it is hard, especially when you’re trying your best to lose the weight. But you won’t know about that, right? Because you people laugh it off as though it is a joke. Sometimes, I’d feel stares when I ate something and felt so paranoid and judged. I remember cropping out pictures of my body that just were too fat. It’s difficult to steadily keep exercising and losing weight because something always throws me off. I know about going into stores and looking at stuff and then asking for my size and being pointed to a section with the most hideous clothes I’ve ever seen and walking out of that store depressed.
Do you know what it is like to believe that because you’re fat, you are not beautiful and no one ever deserves you? I remember once someone looked at me and said, “I can’t believe you were ever with (insert person’s name)” as though there was something wrong with me and I laughed and shrugged it off as usual. I’ve watched those lies manifest into a reality, an ugly reality in my life. No one deserves to feel this way. One day, I met Jesus and allowed Him to transform my broken heart. He mended the pieces and glued them back together as though it wasn’t broken. He loved me throughout one of the darkest time in my life. When you believe you are beautiful, then others will believe that you are; I’ve seen it happen in my life but if you believe the opposite then, that’s what you will get. It’s cool wanting to be healthy and losing weight, I’m all for it; but don’t do it for other people, make sure and do it for yourself. Do it because you love yourself and you want better for yourself. Be careful with your words people, they affect people more than you would ever know.